{"id":2297,"date":"2013-06-13T16:34:47","date_gmt":"2013-06-13T22:34:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/?p=2297"},"modified":"2014-12-19T15:25:35","modified_gmt":"2014-12-19T22:25:35","slug":"the-golfyssey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/?p=2297","title":{"rendered":"The Golfyssey"},"content":{"rendered":"

It has been said before that a video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game.\u00a0 Actually, you know what… nobody has ever said that.\u00a0 Seriously, google it.\u00a0 No results.\u00a0 Same with Golfyssey.\u00a0 No results.<\/p>\n

\"spindash_8-bit-golf-hole\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Well, let’s play fast and loose with the facts then, shall we?<\/p>\n

None other than the legendary golf expert Hulk Hogan once said:<\/p>\n

\"celebrity-mustaches-Hulk-Hogan\"<\/a>

“A video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game, Brother!”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

Hulk said this while single-handedly designing and building the Andasol Solar Power Station<\/a> in Spain back in the year 1320.<\/p>\n

\"solar-power-in-spain\"<\/a>

Pythons… vitamins… brother… etc<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

Since then, historians and crochet artists have been attempting to parse the meaning of The Hulkster’s words.\u00a0 But I know just what he meant.<\/p>\n

Video game golf is just like the real thing, except you don’t do much walking and moving, and it’s not much like actual golf.\u00a0 But I do have a swell time playing golf video games, and some of my favourite video console games have been golf games.<\/p>\n

I don’t exactly know why this is, because I – being poor and nonathletic – have never once played real golf.\u00a0 I haven’t even played mini golf.\u00a0 But I think it might be the relaxed pace compared with the shooter games and action games that I don’t have much fun with.<\/p>\n

But I should get back to talking about the Golfyssey!\u00a0 What is the Golfyssey, I pretend to hear you ask?\u00a0 Why, the Golfyssey is my project to leisurely stroll chronologically (more or less) through all of the video game consoles I have (through emulation and through actual hardware) and play the golf games that I have for them.\u00a0 I also have some home computer systems emulated, so I will play those too.\u00a0 And I will sort of review them*,\u00a0 But mostly I will make stupid jokes and talk about golf games that I like the most while disparaging the ones that I don’t.<\/p>\n

Sound like fun?<\/p>\n

On with the Golfyssey!<\/p>\n

*dear god, have you read any of this stuff I’ve typed?\u00a0 Look at all the posts I’ve made, the whole site is like this!\u00a0 My reviews are, to be honest, not worth your time.\u00a0 If you are working as an emergency responder in an ambulance right now, I beg of you… PLEASE stop reading my shitty blog and save some lives!\u00a0 Seriously though, these golf game reviews are going to suck, and when the aliens invade or robots take over or whatever, they’re going to single me out for special treatment and make an example out of me for inflicting such dreadful tripe upon the world.\u00a0 Meh.\u00a0 I’ll have fun doing it.<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It has been said before that a video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game.\u00a0 Actually, you know what… nobody has ever said that.\u00a0 Seriously, google it.\u00a0 No results.\u00a0 Same with Golfyssey.\u00a0 No results. Well, let’s play fast and loose with the facts then, shall we? None other than the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,510,474,38],"tags":[475,476,477,342],"class_list":["post-2297","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computers","category-reviews","category-video-game-consoles","category-video-games","tag-emulation","tag-golf","tag-hulk-hogan","tag-stupid-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2297","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2297"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2297\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7482,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2297\/revisions\/7482"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}