{"id":3306,"date":"2013-06-30T16:55:16","date_gmt":"2013-06-30T22:55:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/?p=3306"},"modified":"2021-10-21T06:56:38","modified_gmt":"2021-10-21T12:56:38","slug":"golfyssey-25-the-19%e1%b5%97%ca%b0-hole","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/?p=3306","title":{"rendered":"Golfyssey 26 \u2014 The 19th hole"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/beer.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3312\" src=\"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/beer-255x300.png\" alt=\"beer\" width=\"255\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/beer-255x300.png 255w, http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/beer.png 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 255px) 100vw, 255px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>This Golfyssey has taught me several things.\u00a0 Among them, that reviewing video games is actually work.\u00a0 So hats off to those folks who do this for a living.\u00a0 Unless you&#8217;re one of those presstitutes being paid by the big gaming sites who automatically gives glowing reviews for every new shiny turd that EA shits out of its radioactive ass, in which case please quit your job and find honest work.<\/p>\n<p>Another thing I&#8217;ve learned is what my favourite golf video games really are, now that I&#8217;ve played a bunch that I&#8217;ve never played before.\u00a0 I found some real gems, but about twice as many stinkers as I worked my way console by console through the years.\u00a0 I mentioned a nebulous &#8220;top ten&#8221; that I had in mind.\u00a0 I could only find nine games that I consider to be really outstanding, and I&#8217;ll talk more about this list tomorrow, because it is surely of vital interest to humanity that everyone knows just which golf video games I consider to be most fun out of the ones I&#8217;ve tried.<\/p>\n<p>The most important lesson is of course that I am unabashedly a nerd.\u00a0 But I knew this already.\u00a0 So this is just more in the way of confirmation.<\/p>\n<p>Right now, I&#8217;m playing through one full round each in those nine outstanding games, and I&#8217;m having a blast.\u00a0 So for this post, I&#8217;d like to just talk about the consoles that I didn&#8217;t talk about.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">First-generation video game consoles (1972\u20141980)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 APF TV Fun<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Color TV Game<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Coleco Telstar<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Magnavox Odyssey<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pong<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Video Pinball<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Oh, come on!\u00a0 These are far too low tech to play golf with.\u00a0 I might as well use sticks and a rock!<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Second-generation video game consoles (1976\u20141986)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 APF-MP1000<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Arcadia 2001<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bally Astrocade<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ColecoVision<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fairchild Channel F<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Interton VC 4000\/1292 Advanced Programmable Video System<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 RCA Studio II<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Vectrex<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Super Vision 8000<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 VTech CreatiVision<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Man, am I glad there were no golf games for the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Arcadia_2001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Arcadia 2001<\/a>.\u00a0 If ever there were a console that deserved derision, it was that one.\u00a0 The\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Fairchild_Channel_F\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Fairchild Channel F<\/a> didn&#8217;t fare much better.\u00a0 It sounds worse than the Atari 2600, if you can believe it.\u00a0 The <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/ColecoVision\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">ColecoVision<\/a> would have been nice to play a golf game for however, as it&#8217;s games can be pretty fun.\u00a0 I&#8217;m surprised no one ever put out a golf game for the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Vectrex\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Vectrex<\/a> either.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve never even heard of those other consoles, so Wikipedia might be making them up.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Third-generation video game consoles (1983\u20141987)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Action Max<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Amstrad GX4000<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Atari XE Games System<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Casio PV-1000<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Commodore 64 Games System<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I think most of the ones I missed from this generation were based on home computers of the time.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Fourth-generation video game consoles (1987\u20141995)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Philips CD-i<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tandy Video Information System<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I&#8217;ve never heard of the Tandy one, but the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Philips_CD-i\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Philips CD-i<\/a> is hall of shame material for sure.\u00a0 Again, I direct you to the Angry Video Game Nerd to fully do the topic justice.\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=tl2Wz1qlzco\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Part 1<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=xLxqfmpjB-U\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Part 2<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=eHcoOLMXono\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Part 3<\/a>.\u00a0 Welcome to the corporate world!\u00a0 Please leave your brains at the door!<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Fifth-generation video game consoles (1993\u20142004)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 3DO Interactive Multiplayer<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Amiga CD32<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Atari Jaguar<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 FM Towns Marty<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Neo Geo CD<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 LaserActive<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 NEC PC-FX<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pippin<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Playdia<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 PlayStation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Where to begin?\u00a0 There are some infamous fuckups in this generation.\u00a0 Number one in our hearts probably being Apple&#8217;s <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Apple_Bandai_Pippin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Pippin<\/a>.\u00a0 It sold for $599, was less powerful than its competition, and by the time it was killed off two years later, it had only sold 42,000 units.\u00a0 This might be why Apple is conspicuously absent from the home console market today.<\/p>\n<p>Then there&#8217;s the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/3DO_Interactive_Multiplayer\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">3DO<\/a>.\u00a0 They launched this thing for $699!\u00a0 You could buy two regular consoles for that kind of money!<\/p>\n<p>And then there&#8217;s the <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Atari_Jaguar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Atari Jaguar<\/a>.\u00a0 The Jaguar is a special kind of crappy from a special place in Hell.\u00a0 This was Atari&#8217;s dying breath, and it smells of desperation.\u00a0 They claimed it was the world&#8217;s first 64-bit system, but only the graphics processors were 64-bit.\u00a0 Everything else was garbage and the games library attests to this.\u00a0 Seriously, check out some gameplay videos on YouTube, they all look fucking terrible.\u00a0 And the controller they released for the system has got to be <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/File:Jaguar_controller_and_pro.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the worst one ever designed<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The rest of the consoles on that list are some I&#8217;ve never heard of and CD addons or CD versions of previous consoles or computers.\u00a0 You will notice that the venerable <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/PlayStation_%28console%29\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">PlayStation<\/a> is on that list.\u00a0 I do have a PlayStation, but I have no golf games for it.\u00a0 I thought about getting some, but then I stopped.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Sixth-generation video game consoles (1998-2013)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dreamcast<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 GameCube<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 PlayStation 2<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Xbox<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I don&#8217;t own a Dreamcast or a GameCube, but I do own a PlayStation 2 and an Xbox.\u00a0 No golf games for either.\u00a0 Would a snowboarding game count because it&#8217;s outdoors?\u00a0 Never mind.\u00a0 Since you asked, my PlayStation is inside my PS2 in the form of its backward compatibility with PS1 games.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Seventh-generation video game consoles (2005\u2014present)<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 PlayStation 3<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Wii<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Xbox 360<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Zeebo<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Nope, nope, nope, and what the fuck is a Zeebo?\u00a0 Some day I&#8217;m going to buy a Dreamcast.\u00a0 Some day.<\/p>\n<p>And there&#8217;s no sense talking about the current\/next generation.\u00a0 You may have also noticed that I have left out any mention of arcade golf games, except for the brief excursion into the Neo Geo&#8217;s stomping grounds.\u00a0 Being dirt poor as a kid, I didn&#8217;t have extra quarters to put into video game machines, so I can count the amount of times I&#8217;ve actually used an arcade machine on one hand.\u00a0 I never got into arcade emulation as a consequence.\u00a0 There were just no arcade memories I had to relive.\u00a0 I&#8217;m sure I&#8217;m missing a big chunk of the picture when it comes to golf video games, but that&#8217;s okay with me.<\/p>\n<p>Now, back to playing the awesome games I weeded out from the bad ones!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This Golfyssey has taught me several things.\u00a0 Among them, that reviewing video games is actually work.\u00a0 So hats off to those folks who do this for a living.\u00a0 Unless you&#8217;re one of those presstitutes being paid by the big gaming sites who automatically gives glowing reviews for every new shiny turd that EA shits out [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[510,474,38],"tags":[254,476],"class_list":["post-3306","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reviews","category-video-game-consoles","category-video-games","tag-geekdom","tag-golf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3306","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3306"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3306\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11730,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3306\/revisions\/11730"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.gratuitousscience.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}