The Golfyssey

It has been said before that a video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game.  Actually, you know what… nobody has ever said that.  Seriously, google it.  No results.  Same with Golfyssey.  No results.


Well, let’s play fast and loose with the facts then, shall we?

None other than the legendary golf expert Hulk Hogan once said:


“A video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game, Brother!”

Hulk said this while single-handedly designing and building the Andasol Solar Power Station in Spain back in the year 1320.


Pythons… vitamins… brother… etc

Since then, historians and crochet artists have been attempting to parse the meaning of The Hulkster’s words.  But I know just what he meant.

Video game golf is just like the real thing, except you don’t do much walking and moving, and it’s not much like actual golf.  But I do have a swell time playing golf video games, and some of my favourite video console games have been golf games.

I don’t exactly know why this is, because I – being poor and nonathletic – have never once played real golf.  I haven’t even played mini golf.  But I think it might be the relaxed pace compared with the shooter games and action games that I don’t have much fun with.

But I should get back to talking about the Golfyssey!  What is the Golfyssey, I pretend to hear you ask?  Why, the Golfyssey is my project to leisurely stroll chronologically (more or less) through all of the video game consoles I have (through emulation and through actual hardware) and play the golf games that I have for them.  I also have some home computer systems emulated, so I will play those too.  And I will sort of review them*,  But mostly I will make stupid jokes and talk about golf games that I like the most while disparaging the ones that I don’t.

Sound like fun?

On with the Golfyssey!

*dear god, have you read any of this stuff I’ve typed?  Look at all the posts I’ve made, the whole site is like this!  My reviews are, to be honest, not worth your time.  If you are working as an emergency responder in an ambulance right now, I beg of you… PLEASE stop reading my shitty blog and save some lives!  Seriously though, these golf game reviews are going to suck, and when the aliens invade or robots take over or whatever, they’re going to single me out for special treatment and make an example out of me for inflicting such dreadful tripe upon the world.  Meh.  I’ll have fun doing it.