Category Archives: Video games

Video Carnage 18 — TurboGrafx-16

It’s time to revisit everybody’s favourite 8-bit system!  I mean, the 16-bit system with the 8-bit system feel! (EDIT: The TG-16 actually has an 8-bit CPU.  The graphics processors are 16-bit.) I ragged long and hard on the TurboGrafx-16 when I reviewed some golf games for it.  A lot of TG16 games really don’t hold […]

Video Carnage 17 — Atari 7800

Oy.  Here we find ourselves in Underwhelmsville again, population 7800.  Like I mentioned before in The Golfyssey, the Atari 7800 was shelved for two years before it was released in an attempt to compete with none other than the legendary NES.  The graphics are shitty, regardless of how many terrible-looking sprites this system can handle […]

Video Carnage 16 — Amiga

Even though the Amiga first came out in 1985, the games I’ll be looking at today were all from the 1990s.  The Amiga was already ahead of its time, but now we’ll be looking into the future for one stop on our journey through console and computer hardware. If this unsettles you, don’t worry.  Our […]

Video Carnage 15 — Sega Master System

Sega not only had better hardware specs in the Master System compared to the NES, but they also had a history of making successful and critically acclaimed arcade racing games like “Hang-On“.  It is because of these factors that when you compare the game libraries of the NES and Master system, you will find the […]

Video Carnage 14 – Nintendo Entertainment System

The NES has a massive library of games, so I don’t have to go scraping the barrel for racers.  I’m happy about this because I really don’t like having to play through bad racing games just to tell you all what you already can guess. Excitebike (1984) You can tell from that iconic box art […]

Video Carnage 12 — Sega SG-1000

When I talked about the SG-1000 before, I mentioned that it had more potential than the games library would lead one to believe.  It looks to me to be about as powerful as the ColecoVision, and I actually use the MEKA emulator to play games for both systems.  Unfortunately for Sega, that potential was rarely realized, […]

Video Carnage 11 — Commodore 64

The Commodore 64 computer had dozens of racing games, and they ranged widely in quality.  I played a fair amount of these as I was growing up, and only a handful of the ones I remember really stand out as great games. Motor Mania (1982) Ah, the joys of loading games from cassette!  Who wouldn’t […]

Video Carnage 10 — Atari 5200

Recently, I rediscovered the Atari 5200, thanks to an emulator that fixed the console’s horribly flawed non-centering joysticks.  Being released shortly before the 1983 industry crash, this system had a short life, so there weren’t many games released for it.  Only one racing game was released, and it is a port of an ultra-popular arcade […]

Video Carnage 09 — Vectrex

The Vectrex is weird.  At first glance, it looks like a rather bad idea.  A self-contained video game system that plays games only in black and white.  If you wanted colour, you had to use the coloured translucent overlays that came with the games.  When this came out in 1982, most people probably looked at […]

Video Carnage 08 — ColecoVision

A great, powerful system that was also bunged by goofy telephone-joystick controllers, the ColecoVision was another high-profile victim of the 1983 video game market crash.  This console had some serious power packed inside, and it could handle most arcade ports better than any other home console back in 1982. And then the crash, and Coleco […]

Video Carnage 07 — Arcadia 2001

Well, I haven’t exactly been looking forward to this.  Have you even heard of a video game console called the Arcadia 2001?  There isn’t much to say about it, other than: rushed, badly programmed rip-off games dead-on-arrival for U.S. release terrible graphics and even worse sound Emerson got sued by Atari for making clones of […]

Video Carnage 06 — Intellivision

Let’s check in with that console that really should have had a longer lifespan, the Intellivision.  The main things that caused an early demise for this system are of course the Video Game Crash of 1983 and those god-awful controllers.  Things were more powerful under the hood than many people realized, and later games released […]

Video Carnage 05 — Odyssey²

The racing games for the Odyssey² were both pack-in games on the same cartridge.  I mentioned them before, and there really isn’t a whole lot to say about them.  The Odyssey² game library contains some surprisingly good and memorable games, but these to ain’t really among them. Speedway! (1978) The idea behind this game is […]

Video Carnage 04 – Apple ][

Another 8-bit machine from the 1970s – the Apple II – had its share of driving games.  Prepare not to be blown away by amazing displays of graphics and sound. You know, if I could stretch the boundaries of what I consider to be a racing game by wide enough margins, I could call “The […]

Video Carnage 03 – Atari 2600

Many game collectors and classic gaming enthusiasts start with the Atari.  And for the most part, this is where home console gaming really began.  But this system has some truly terrible games.  Thankfully for us, it also has some extremely fun games that were programmed by early masters of the art. Indy 500 (1977) This […]

Video Carnage 02 – Channel F

Something else happened in 1972… the same year that the Odyssey had roused just about as much interest in this new “video game” phenomenon as it could have on its own.  Atari invented Pong. Well, Nolan Bushnell kind of stole it from the Odyssey’s game “Tennis”.  That’s okay because everybody else in the mid ’70s […]

Video Carnage 01 – Odyssey

Set the Wayback Machine for 1968… It’s the Jet Age.  Steppenwolf, The Doors and The Beatles are blasting from your turntable.  Airplanes without propellers and radios without electrical cords are high-tech shit.  And these new transistors that the eggheads are talking about are replacing vacuum tubes everywhere!  Technology is all moving so fast, it’s downright […]

Video Carnage!

If you are a fan of video games like I am, then you may have played a racing game or two.  I love playing racing and driving games, whether they are competitive in nature or just simulations. If you read any of my Golfyssey posts where I reviewed golf video games, then you might have […]

Reassessing the Atari 5200

The Atari 5200 was a dud.  The story behind it is interwoven with the head-scratching tale of Atari’s journey from industry leader and juggernaut to has-been and bankrupt joke.  I’m going to have to insert another link to the Angry Video Game Nerd because you should watch his review of this console. With my fondness […]

Golfyssey 27 — Robotman’s Front 9

Over the past three weeks, I’ve reviewed a total of 60 golf video games for 24 different systems.  This Golfyssey has taken me all the way from the lowly Atari 2600 to the PC and beyond.  I’ve played terrible games that barely resemble golf and only serve to frustrate, to realistic simulations that are so […]

Golfyssey 26 — The 19th hole

This Golfyssey has taught me several things.  Among them, that reviewing video games is actually work.  So hats off to those folks who do this for a living.  Unless you’re one of those presstitutes being paid by the big gaming sites who automatically gives glowing reviews for every new shiny turd that EA shits out […]

Golfyssey 25 — Game Boy Advance

Another hand-held console released by Nintendo, the Game Boy Advance came out in 2001.  This one is 16-bit, and is comparable to the Super Nintendo in graphics and sound.  By the early 21st century, video games weren’t seen by their makers so much as an artform that provided players with a fun experience as they […]

Golfyssey 24 — Game Boy Color

The Game Boy Color was released in 1998.  Criminy, it sure took Nintendo a long time to release a hand-held console that did more than 4 colours in a palette of pea soup.  The reason for this is that colour LCD screens ate batteries like some kind of… uh… like some kind of… battery eating […]

Golfyssey 23 — PC

Ah, the PC.  There’s a good chance that you’re reading this blog on a personal computer right now.  The PC is ubiquitous for home use and work today, but it started as just another variant of the home computer back in the early 1980s.  The IBM PC saw immediate success in the business world, and […]

Golfyssey 22 — Nintendo 64

3D gaming is where I pretty much lose interest.  The primary appeal that video games have for me is their ability to stimulate my imagination, and the more like real-life these games appear, the less interesting they are to me. That’s not to say that games made for the Nintendo 64 looked anything like real-life.  […]

Golfyssey 21 — Sega Saturn

Sega’s Rapidfire succession of new hardware releases sure did backfire on them.  Released in North America only six months after the ill-fated 32X, ,the Saturn was the CD-based 32-bit console that Sega should have released all along instead of messing up the market with addons for the Genesis. Sega had burned a lot of good […]

Golfyssey 20 — Sega 32X

What’s with all these Sega consoles coming out so fast?  Oh, they’re not really consoles? Continuing Sega’s self-inflicted decline in the 1990s, the 32X was another addon for the Sega Genesis.  It was originally planned to be Sega’s next generation 32-bit console, but was instead released as another clunky addon instead.  This was even after […]

Golfyssey 19 — Sega CD

If you were Sega, and you were at the top of the video game console market in the early 1990s, and you wanted to perform a stunning “ditch” that would send your company spiraling down to the bottom as calamitously as possible… how would you go about doing it? Well, do what the real Sega […]

Golfyssey 18 — Super Nintendo

The Super Nintendo sure did arrive late to the 16-bit party, didn’t it?  As the last of the main players to be released, it might seem a bit underpowered.  But Nintendo found many ways to make it succeed, and scores upon scores of games released for the system are considered to be classics.  Many game […]

Golfyssey 17 — Neo Geo

Those of us past a certain age can remember ads that would promise to bring an arcade gaming experience into our homes.  God knows, there were all kinds of goofy commercials playing on the impracticality of cramming several different 250 pound arcade cabinets into someone’s living room just so they could play a pixel-perfect version […]

Golfyssey 16 — TurboGrafx-16

Not many people remember the TurboGrafx-16.  And it’s been justly forgotten, I think.  I lived through the 16-bit console wars in the early 90s, and I don’t ever remember seeing ads for the system on TV.  Then again, I live in Canada, so maybe Hudson Soft and NEC didn’t see any point in bothering with […]

Golfyssey 15 – Nintendo Game Boy

When the Game Boy came out in 1989, it was the first truly successful hand-held video game console.  There had been other hand-held and portable video games on the market before, and some even had multiple selectable games built into them.  But the Game Boy was one of the first that took cartridges.  It was […]

Golfyssey 14 — Sega Genesis (part 2)

To continue my review of golf games for this console, I shall talk about five games in the same series – “PGA Tour Golf”. That box is for the first one of these that I played, and in my opinion the best of them all.  It’s also what I consider the finest golf video game […]

Golfyssey 13 — Sega Genesis (part 1)

SEGA! The Genesis was Sega’s finest moment.  Sadly, after this they took a chapter or two out of the Commodore and Atari playbook for surefire failure which is why you don’t see them making consoles any more… but that’s a story for another post. But in the early 90s, Nintendo had to work damn hard […]

Golfyssey 12 — Atari 7800

Oh, Atari.  If Commodore jumped off a cliff, would you? In an effort to prove that stupid and disastrous business decisions would not be monopolized by its competitors, Atari decided to inflict 1000 paper cuts upon itself over the course of the mid 80s and 90s and thus die that slow, agonizing death that had […]

Golfyssey 11 — Amiga

The Commodore Amiga.  The Amiga came out of nowhere in the mid 1980s and proved to be the most capable and fully powered multimedia machine of its time.  Hell, it was the only multimedia computer you could buy unless you were a Hollywood studio, and it was the first home computer with an OS that […]

Golfyssey 10 — Sega Master System

How is it that the Sega Master System – which was technically a better game console than the NES in many ways – failed to make much of a dent in Nintendo’s sales, and failed to even have a fraction of the amount of decent games made for it?  Why are there just a handful […]

Golfyssey 09 — Nintendo Entertainment System

The crash of 1983 made Video Game a bad word in North America.  Thanks to a deluge of cheap and shitty titles for the Atari 2600, and a glut of “me-too” consoles and games and knock-offs and peripherals and accessories, the home console market reached a saturation point and was no longer sustainable.  Quality suffered […]

Golfyssey 08 — Commodore 16 & Plus/4

Remember when I said that Commodore took a lead in the home computer market and turned it into bankruptcy in a rather short time?  1984.  Exhibit A in this “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory” strategy is The Commodore 16. Also the Commodore 116: And the Commodore Plus/4: Confused?  Commodore sure was.  The original […]

Golfyssey 07 — Sega SG-1000

The Sega what? Why, the SG-1000 – Sega’s first entry into the video game home console hardware market that almost nobody remembers because it soled poorly.  It sold only (legitimately) in Asia, though clones sold in other countries.  One of the clones really took off in Taiwan, so there’s that.  The hardware for this console […]

Golfyssey 06 — Commodore 64

I adore my 64, my Commodore 64. Considering how I use (and am typing this on) a replica Commodore 64… and how both my Linux desktop and the virtual Windows XP desktop I run inside it are themed to have a Commodore/Amiga look… You could say I’m a fanboy.  And as you might have guessed, […]

Golfyssey 05 — Atari 5200

This console was a bad idea that brought lots of bad ideas to the market.  Where to begin?  First of all, it has stopgap written all over it.  When the Atari 5200 was released, the ColecoVision console had already come out, and it had immediately become the number one seller in the market due to […]

Golfyssey 04 — Apple ][

Ah, the Apple II.  That good old beast of a computer built by Steve Wozniak when Apple was just a wee company.  I never owned one of these, but my elementary school had about a dozen of them back in the early 80s.  From them, I learned the joys of waiting your turn, “no, we […]

Golfyssey 02 – Odyssey²

Bring me the head of Nolan Bushnell! I have fond memories of the Odyssey².  As I mentioned below, I was a poor-ass kid growing up.  My father bought me and my brothers an Odyssey² for Christmas one year, I believe in 1984.  The system itself was released originally in 1978, so we’re talking bargain-bin, unload-it-fast […]

Golfyssey 01 – Atari 2600

Ah, the Atari 2600.  The video game system from 1977.  Even though I have plenty of games for the Atari, I never play any of them regularly.  The graphics and especially the sound are just too primitive for me to enjoy anything on this thing.  In fact, some of the games that were released for […]

The Golfyssey

It has been said before that a video game console is only as good as its most prominent golf game.  Actually, you know what… nobody has ever said that.  Seriously, google it.  No results.  Same with Golfyssey.  No results. Well, let’s play fast and loose with the facts then, shall we? None other than the […]

How Amiga computer games got me listening to KISS again.

The other day I was creating configuration files for my Amiga emulator. You see, the Amiga emulator is rather complex. Not only must you select which disk image or images you’d like your emulated system to run, but you must also choose which version of the Kickstart rom, which chipset, which RAM configuration, which CPU, […]

Recycling bad ideas

Have I made fun of Microsoft Bob before on this blog?  I don’t believe I have.  Well, if you’ve ever heard about MS Bob before, you probably didn’t hear anything good. Read that link above to find out what the fuck was going on.  To this day, I don’t think anyone really knows why the […]

Pharaoh and the Pirate

I’ve been having a delightful time playing old PC video games on my Windows 98 laptop.  As described below, it’s a fairly new cheap laptop that runs Lubuntu as its OS and runs Windows 98 in Virtualbox. So I decided to fill up the massive 10GB hard drive I gave it in VB by installing […]

SimCity

If you were to redefine clusterfuck, how would you go about doing it? About three weeks ago, EA – The Worst Company in America – released a long awaited sequel to one of the best-loved video games of all time. Now, you may already know what SimCity is, and you may have already heard about […]