Song of the Day – “The Conjuring” by Megadeth

Believe it or not, Megadeth was once good.  Fuck that, they were once FUCKING BRILLIANT.  Okay, actually, if were counting by albums, they were thrice brilliant.

Here is my version of the Megadeth story… taken as far as I stopped giving a fuck about Dave Mustaine:

• Dave Mustaine, one of Metallica’s key songwriters and their lead guitarist, is fired by a band of drunks for being too drunk
• Dave Mustaine is an immature pissed off Ginger so he channels his aggression into a new band that will out-metal Metallica
• Dave assembles a neat little band with a Jazz drummer (the BEST drummers, IHMO (In High Mumble Opinion)) and records their first album
• Band has to fire their producer before the album is finished because out of the money they got from the record company to record the album, they spent most of it on drugs
• First album is released and is hailed as awesome… which it is
• Band tours and parties hard
• Band records second album, which is even better than the first.
• Chris Poland, the other guitarist pawns a bunch of the band’s equipment to buy drugs
• Possibly in retaliation, or possibly before, a drunken Dave Mustaine vomits all over Mr. Poland’s cocaine
• Dave fires half of his band and hires two replacement musicians to record a very good third album
• Dave fires the replacement musicians after the tour and takes a while to get a new band together
• Megadeth records an awesome fourth album… and nobody got fired
• Megadeth sees Metallica’s success at being played on the radio, and decides to compromise their integrity
• Two okay albums follow
• One bad album follows
• One HORRIBLE mistake of an album with fucking dance music on it escapes somehow
• Lineups change by this time and the band staggers on like a wounded deer
• Band releases another album with about 3 good songs on it
• Mustaine sustaines an injury to the nerves in his arms and doctors tell him your guitar playin days are over
• Dave says fuck that and fights to get his arm working again
• Dave makes a comeback as Megadeth… but he didn’t ask anyone else to play, so he hired new musicians again
• Megadeth releases an okay album
• Mike stops caring

Somewhere along that quick and dirty and probably not too accurate timeline was the conversion of Mr. Mustaine to Christianity.

I don’t think it was intentional that the guitarist in that drawing looks like Mr. Mustaine.  Sure makes me laugh every time I see it.

I can imitate Mr. Mustaine’s singing voice exactly, apparently.  I used to mock him ( I still do actually) at my last job when I played Megadeth albums.  I would give particular attention to the album “Risk” witch is the one that sucks so bad you wished the band had broken up in 1990.

Imagine Dave Mustaine talking in his singing voice now…

“Dance music is what Heavy Metal is all about!  Every-body DANCE!!  Euuughghgh!!!  Shake your booty!”

Here’s another picture of Jesus.

Jesus Christ!  If I were a god, I’d do the same thing.  I’m guessing a lot of people take solace in the fact that I am not a god.

There.  There’s my monologue about the song.  Fuck, I didn’t even mention the fucking thing!  These “Song of the Day” posts are getting really bad.  Unless you like lame puns and scatological humour.  And trite mockery.

I’m just glad I didn’t inadvertently make fun of his son.  Fuck, would I be in trouble!